TO QUOTE ALFRED HITCHCOCK. . . .

Here's a quote from Alfred Hitchcock that ought to tickle your pop culture funny bone:

"Television has brought back murder into the home where it belongs."

There's Only One Fruitcake In The World

Many eons ago, some fool made a cake,
A hard, dry clump, that poor person did bake.
It's taste was strange and dry on the tongue,
And those hard dried fruits were truly no fun.

It was sent as a present, wrapped cheery and gay,
to an innocent person on that first Christmas Day.
Upon the first bite, their teeth cracked and fell
and that single fruitcake entered regifting hell.

So now it gets rewrapped in bright, pretty paper
Shipped out over and over in the "Regifting" caper.
So if you should see, in your mailbox some year,
A lumpy rectangle, start running in fear!

For you've been assaulted by the famous Fruitcake
that horrible brick some idiot did bake.
So, lock up your mailbox and leave for the season,
The dreaded Fruitcake is good enough reason!

(TeeHee) Poem Copyright 2007 by PopArtDiva.com

Those long ago Christmas Days

Written in loving memory of my family

Long ago and far away, I loved to wake up on Christmas Day.
My heart would leap, then skip a beat and down the stairs my feet would leap.

Upon my fast landing, Kerplump, off the banister,
The sight that would greet me brought much joy and laughter.

For there, yes, there! Right in front of my eyes
Was a glorious, glowing Red and Green surprise!

A towering tree just glowing with light,
And piles of presents! What a glorious sight!

And next to the tree sat a glass, half empty
and some crumbs on a plate. Yes, Santa’d had plenty!

Then behind me I’d hear my siblings come pounding.
“Mom, Dad, Hurry! Come here! Santa’s come!” they’d be shouting.

So, sleepy and yawning, Mom and Dad would come down
While our little dog followed in leaps and with bounds.

When we were all gathered and the coffee was ready,
We passed out the gifts, singing Christmas songs (badly!)

Then in we did dive, grabbing box upon box,
Ripping paper and ribbons, saying, “I hope it’s not socks!”

Then later would come turkey dinner at five
With my favorite part, Mom’s homemade Pumpkin Pie!

Thus went my Christmas for years and for years.
Now, when I remember, I remember in tears.

For gone are my parents, those siblings, doggy friends,
And alone I remember these memories of them.

Yes, I remember the sounds of Mom cooking all night,
The smell of the turkey and the smell of Dad’s pipe.

I remember the laughter, the joy and the fun,
I remember my family as Christmas time comes.

Remember snowball fights? Your mom bundled you up in so many layers of clothes that you walked like a robot and looked like a fat kid? Remember your mittens being tied to your wrists so you wouldn't lose them? Remember how your nose would run and then it would freeze on your upper lip? (Yes, gross, but it happened!) Remember being pelted with so many snowballs that you dripped all over the floor when you went back inside?

Well, those were the old days! Now you get to stay inside where it's warm and cozy and you can leave the coat and mittens off - you can have a snowball fight on your computer! My, how times have changed!

My friend just sent me this via email. It's an online snowball fight game with Santa And the Elves, so if you want to waste a little time click here and enjoy! I got to level two and then walloped Santa one too many times.

P.S. It's not too late to shop for the Holidays at Amazon!

CHRISTMAS, Just Another Way to Sell Stuff

When I was growing up Christmas was about the turkey dinner, the parades and later the sounds of football games on television, laughter, fun, toys and my family.

Forgive me if I get a little Grinchy and want to smack all the little Whos in Whoville, but I am so sick of all the holiday themed ads, commercials, tv shows and other corporate American schtick that passes for holiday cheer but is really just a badly disguised quest for merchandising.

It makes me want to either:

1. Take a cruise to somewhere that has beaches, palm trees and cabana boys
2. Close all the windows, lock all the doors and hide under the covers until Jan. 2nd
3. Revert back to the past and live in a log cabin, cut down my own tree, decorate it with popcorn and cranberries, make my own gifts out of logs and Ma's Ingalls' old drapes, then hand a mug of hot cocoa to Pa Ingalls
4. Convert to some cult religion that forbids red and green, holly, and jingle bells

Okay, I feel better now and I'm ready for a Nogatini!

SEX SELLS? REALLY? THAT'S NEWS?

I was reading a blog today that said "sex sells". Wow. Since when is that news? Sex has been used to market everything from dish soap to dentures for eons and it's been the main tool of Madison Avenue from the get-go.

Holy Pornography, Viagraman! Every good ad person knows that to sell product or services you have to appeal to basic human emotions. Fear and sexual desire are two of the strongest emotions and are, therefore, the most effective as advertising tools.

You can see the use of sex as a selling tool from the beginning of radio and television. Sure, we might not recognize it as "sexy" by today's standards, but believe me, the sex was there under the surface in just about every program or commercial or print ad. Do you remember those models used in car ads? Ever seen a just a woman's mouth eating a piece of fruit? Have you ever noticed the dilated eyes of female models? Do you remember the Noxema ads? How about the slow ketchup?

In today's world the sexuality is blatant, recognizable and aggressive but there is no more sex in today's marketing world than before. In the recent past sex was "suggested" and "implied", today it is out in the open. But let's face it, we all knew what they were talking about then and we can't miss it now! Heck, I'm convinced the cavemen were drawing those naked animals on those caves in Lascaux in order to sell their newest wheel!

No, sex is not new as a marketing tool. Just ask Cleopatra about the time she rolled herself up in a carpet and then had it unfurled in front of Julius Caesar - that woman new how to market herself! And for a brief moment in history she had the entire Roman Empire, a Roman Emperor, Egypt, and the use of a couple of pretty outstanding military armadas for her marketing efforts! And we just use it to sell soap?

And now a word from our sponsors - (that would be, uh, me)
TEN HAVE SEX - WHEN NINE IS NOT ENOUGH!