Once upon a time little American girls would get all dressed up to go "downtown" or "uptown". We would put on our little dresses, Buster Browns or Mary Janes, petticoats and even litte white gloves. We dressed for dinner, church, holidays and whenever we went out in "public".
Now people don't even dress for the Theater (pronouned Thay-Ah-Tah, dahling). The only people who dress up today are politicians and drag queens. I want to dress up again. I want to do my hair, put on an evening dress and go out on the town in style!
Now since I could never be a politician I have decided to be a drag queen, which should be interesting because I'm a woman. But wouldn't that just make the job easier? I mean no fake boobs cause I got 'em in spades, I wouldn't have to shave or tuck any body part away and I already have all the make-up! I just need more diva style clothing, various and sundry wigs and hair appendages and I'm off and running!
I even have my Drag Queen name - they say you're supposed to take your pet's name and combine it with the first street you lived on - Shadow Chataqqua. Frankly, that bites so I'm going with Tootsie Tittzlinger. My favorite retro candy plus the inventor of the bra. Yup, that's right the man who invented the bra was named Titzling, although there is debate about that**. And I think I'll get myself a hot pink 1959 Cadillac, that seems to be an ideal car for a female drag queen.
Yes, the decision is made I shall become a female drag queen - dare I say Frag Queen? And I shall be called Tootsie Tittzlinger. Ladies and Gentlemen, TOOTSIE TITTZLINGER, Frag Queen Extraordinaire! She Sags! She Totters! She Drools! All in Six Inch Heels with a Feather Boa Dragging Behind Her Amble Behind!
Tootsie has left the building.
**Okay, now Yahoo says a woman named Herminie Cadolle invented the bra, and this page says a woman named Mary Phelps Jacob did, but personally I can't believe any woman would have invented that binding contraption we're stuck with so I'm sticking with Titzling, a man. Fiction or not, it just fits into my picture of life as a woman better! And it makes for a better Fraq Queen name.