1. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live ~ George Carlin
  2. Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip ~ Gary Allan #Christmas
  3. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing ~ Stephen Wright
  4. Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses - Unknown
  5. A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset ~ James Gould Cozzens
  6. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included ~ Bernard Manning
  7. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year ~ Victor Borge
  8. Santa wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist, & a beard & long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's he smoking in that pipe? ~ Arlo Guthrie
  9. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit ~ Anonymous
  10. You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger ~ Robert Paul
  11. Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present ~ Anonymous
  12. Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody ~ Ogden Nash
  13. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together ~ Garrison Keillor

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